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I think I'm starting to like Aliya. Like, for reals.
Uh-oh.

Quotes from Aliya that have hit me with utter lovvve:
i'm gonna try again on your hair, but with the other side. it's longer on that side, right? i don't know. but i wouldn't mind practicing every day, love.

I love you brigid, i do. i really do.

you love me a thousand times? mmm, darling.

whenever you say something extra nice and sweet to me, the look on my face is mellow and blank because i am very very very happy and i love you very much and i'm drowning in the love and i don't know what to say, and i am very peaceful. and the world is perfect for a second, and i wish i knew how to communicate that to you. that's what that look says.

i feel like i've broken something that was perfect. i don't know what to do.

i love you like fuck too, you fucking fucker. god, i love you so fucking much. i think i used up my quota of fucks, but you are sweet, you're the sweetest, and just pretend i'm saying fuck as every other word if that would make it be more true, love. you're fucking-god, i fuckin need you. all the fucking time. this feels weird, i'll become pg rated now.

you are very forceful with this love, aren't you? it's nice. it's hottt.

heh, you get off on my unintelligible nighttime murmurs. there are two,they're all whispery and they're both like, 'mnh', but on two different...pitches? that's my whole mode of communication when i'm asleep. they can say a lot though, you have to admit.

i remember you were telling me, all the ways i'm perfect. or no, all the things that lead you to the conclusion that i'm perfect. and i pretended i was embarrassed and weirded out and i told you to stop because there were people there, but i loved it. and you didn't finish. and i want to hear it.you are the perfect person for a needy creeper like me.

but seriously, why did you only get 3 hours of sleep that night? i mean, i'm not sure if i should think of it as staying up all night in your arms and dozing off every now and then, or sleeping lightly and being woken up all the time by you placing tiny kisses all over me. i remember thinking, 'i would definitely rather be on the receiving half of this arrangement, and i like it like this, but when she flips over i should too so that she can receive for once. ' and then i don't know where that went, except when you were listening to fioe, i was facing you and were you on your back? because you laughed at me each time i was scared, but did you look at me each time? i think you were on your back. or something. oh, i remember once i was giving, because i was tracing circles on your back and you said you liked that and i pet your back in the same place until it put me to sleep. did i seem like i was asleep a lot? i don't know. i remember there was never a time when i was awake but you weren't, though. so.and when you did the shoulder thing, that drove me crazy. and the hip thing, and when you traced my rib from the side to the middle, that was the best one. so, whenever we happen to end up in the same bed together again, i totally know what to do.

get rest. don't listen to your mother. listen to me. sleep.

oh, love, i love you too. i'm whispering that into the place right where your neck and your ear meet, with my lips touching you, with one hand in your hair and one on the small of your back, and my eyes closed.

**i come into my room, with a bathrobe on and a towel on my hair. i see you, asleep in my bed. you look so perfect. i put on clothes and climb into bed, careful not to disturb you. you look so peaceful, you must have been so tired when you fell asleep. i pull the blanket over both of us, you're warm. my body perfectly matches yours.i let one sound escape before i fall asleep next to you, thinking of your shape and mine and how they were made to ft together.**

i love you.

you think you're stupid and you don't know anything, it's the opposite--you need to know you can do this, and it will be easier.

and i'm sorry, everything i try to grow in you is crushed by your parents. just don't let it-- you're better than that, love.

i could feel [my heart] beating. you're my brigid.

"Hi, Brigid. It's Aliya. Um, I was calling to say I miss you, and it doesn't matter [where I am? I can't tell what you said], 'cause I always miss you when you're not here. Um. I don't know what to say ... *laugh* ... in this message. But I know you're gonna listen to it a lot. So it should be something useful that you need to memorize. That you'll memorize *laugh* after listening to this fifty times. Um. Yeah that's it. Anddd I love you. And I made you cry. And I shouldn't have. Even though it was in a good way. But I wish I was there. Okay. Stopping now. Bye."

you were at first just this existence, this person who came to jennifer's parties. but you never stayed for the whole thing and i never saw you, so i only knew you existed. and you laughed at all my jokes and made good jokes. but that was it. and then salim was your friend before i was, and he would talk about you in conversations and i would think about you. and i knew you were the girl who always hugged him. and whenever i saw you and him, you would be hugging him. i was like, 'does she like you?' and he was like, 'no' but that's what he always says. and then? and then we were in academic bowl together and health. and in academic bowl you were really cool and i wanted to know you better, but you were close with salim. and in PE lilly and you and me talked and that was cool. and then you made those notes and everything about that was awesome and i feel like i knew you a lot better because of those. even though i always got the wrong answers and was bad about giving you my envelope.

then i just became closer and closer friends. oh, and in lit, too. when you came into lit i was really happy because i , like, hated all the girls in that class, there was only me, paula, britany, and, yeah,. that was it. i felt like i was the only one with a conscience. and then you came, and i was like, 'yes! we need more dark humor!' and i remember i got to where i hugged you every time i saw you. and then , when i had you and jenna over at my house i realized i liked you a lot more than jenna and jenna knew it. and then i realized i really liked you, and you were one of my best friends. at that point i remember thinking my best friends are kathlene, brigid, margaret, jennifer, and krissy. in no real order. then whenever i had you over at my house i liked you more and more, until i had a friend crush on you. and that's when we started emailing.

and then we started making jokes with each other that were suggestive...to something else and when i realized what i was doing i knew i should stop or else you would get confused. but it was fun. and then for the longest time i kind of knew you liked me. but i was scared to bring it up, because if i was faced with the situation of you being like, 'i don't like yo? what are you talking about?' that would be too awkward so i avoided that situation by not talking about it. and then i just was never sure how you felt about me but i was kind of suspecting it. so i tried to make it clear how i felt ,, bbut that was hard for me because i had to stop and think about it, too. and you would say extra nice things, like on eid you missed me a lot, but i still didnt know if that meant you were merely the nicest person in the world (you are). but then on the car trip to the mountain, you held my hand and you kissed our hands and then i was positive. well, i was postitive when you said something, i dont know. but i wanted to wait for you to show it before i talked to you about it. ad then we had our nite. it was comfy. i wish every nite were more like that, but with me sleeping a decent amount. and now you're my best friend, whenever i think about having a best friend, or the concept of a best friend, i think of you--you're perfect. i can talk to you about anything.

i can talk to you about anything, and it's fucking nice that i can do that with someone, you know? even my rants about how much i hate something/ how weird something is, i always wonder if you'll decide i'm too weird and that you can't talk to me anymore, but you never do that! you're always like, 'yeah, i know exactly what you're talking about!' i love that. you never think i'm weird. like, the weirder things i do, the cooler you think i am. which is nice. and you're totally funny and cool, i love having conversations with you. if you just told me everything you were thinking i would love to listen to it, it would be so interesting, and just--awesome.

Brigid: You're beautiful.
Aliya:
reaction A: o-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...
reaction b: er, no.
reaction c: that was random.
reaction d: did you look at a picture or something where i look good? what made you say that?
reaction e: you're more beautiful
reaction f: should i accept this?
reaction g: (accepting it) *cups face in hands and kisses you*
reaction h: thank you.
reaction i: i love you.
so all of the above.

awww, love. of course you're the one with the perfect paper. you're my favorite little writer in the whole fucking world. but seriously, i admire your writing skill. it makes me jealous and horny.

current mood:

nervous
current music: Hawaii by The Strokes

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